Michael E. Gerber
My day, like yours I suppose, is a continuing puzzle. Why, knowing as much as I do about what I do, does it always end up being so difficult to do it? Take this blog for example. I made a commitment to write this personal blog every single day. I did that because I’ve been told you would enjoy that – hearing from me about something which would entertain you, educate you, inspire you, and perhaps help you to do something you currently find so difficult to do. So, I made the commitment, and I’m here to keep that commitment, assuming that all of the reasons given above are true. And given that I presumably possess the talent, ability and knowledge needed to satisfy those objectives – that I can entertain, educate, inspire and teach you something you would find to be of sufficient value to return every day to visit with me. And now I’m not so sure I can. I’m writing a blog, yes, but I have absolutely no ability to do what I set out to do. None. Zero. At least that’s how it feels to me right now, as I’m sitting here trying to write this at 5:26 a.m., Wednesday morning, August, 17, 2011. I don’t know what I want to say, and I don’t know why I’m even trying to say it. I could simply pull the plug on this, here and now, and delete it, and go back to do something else. (I could actually go back to bed!) I could do that, of course, but I won’t. And I won’t do that because it would be depressing to do that. It would be depressing to do that because I would have to readjust my expectations of myself, about who I actually am, about what I actually know. And to readjust those expectations would mean my entire day would be shot to hell. And that would, indeed, depress me. Just thinking about it depresses me. Saying it here to you, on the other hand, is kind of fun. It allows me to say to you something that is true. It allows me to share myself with you in a way that I rarely do. It allows me to do anything, whatever shows up, for only the reason I’ve already given you, that I have made the commitment to write a personal blog, and this is about as personal as it gets for me, starting a day with nothing to say, other than what comes up, and what comes up – does it ever seem like this to you? – what comes up most days of my life, isn’t illuminating, isn’t shocking, isn’t inspiring, isn’t breakthrough stuff, it’s just this, what’s coming out on the page right now as I’m speaking to you — it’s just ordinary. That’s right, just ordinary. And there’s nothing more diminishing to me than to see how ordinary I actually am! How about you, dear reader, have you ever come face to face with how ordinary you actually are? Ow! I think I’ll go away for a bit, and try it tomorrow again.